Friday, June 26, 2009

Unhappy Birthday.

Due to the ABSOLUTE FUCKING NONSENSE that has transpired over the past 24 hours, tomorrow I will be spending my birthday NOT in the Mojave desert having a deeply enlightening spiritual experience with copious amounts of wine and peyote, NOT gleefully spraying overweight lesbians with water guns on a Toronto Gay Pride Parade float while dressed up like a unicorn Rainbow Brite hybrid of amazingness, and NOT out and about in a shiny little dress.

Instead I will be home, alcohol-less, fun-less, sex-less and hopped up on painkillers (meaning I also HAVE TO EAT (a.k.a. be fat) lest I want to suffer internal bleeding too) due to a cripplingly painful bacterial infection I incurred from shaving my goddamn leg the other day.

Unhappy birthday to me in-fucking-deed.

P.S. If I sound beyond angry at the world/myself/Bic razors/hospitals/drugs that you can't drink while taking right now it's because I AM.


  1. sorry to hear that your birthday was no fun! You'll have to just have a belated, mojave, peyote, gay pride, sexing megababe birthday when you're feeling better. The great thing about birthdays is they can really take place whenever you want! Feel better soon!

  2. Man, I remember how fucking angry and horny I was when my boyfriend stopped seeing me last year. It's like this to a tee.

    Uh, happy birthday?

  4. boo to that bacterial infection that seems to be plaguing so many people lately. I'm almost convinced to just buy some Nair.